I would have gotten up a few hours early today if I'd known how it would unfold. I had an appointment with a natural health practitioner I've been seeing off and on for a few years (she's amazing, and gave me SO much insight this morning). She doesn't normally do Saturdays, but knows me well and what's been going on, and told me that she could see me at 9am.....and that if I wanted to, then I could come in my jammies.
I wasn't planning on taking her up on that, but I was SO tired this morning, and when our alarm went off I didn't even hear it. I woke up a half hour later to two sweet, darling boys snuggling right up to me under the covers, and I just couldn't resist the urge to stay in bed. I loved it.
I threw some sweats on, put a hat on, and left for my appointment. It went well and I feel better than I have in awhile. I knew Wes was home and didn't mind if I took my time on the way home. I needed to run a few errands and have some alone time to kind of unwind and collect my thoughts from the past couple weeks.
I shopped for a dress for our cruise, ran a few important errands, checked out a new clothing store, and just drove around listening to a book on tape. I'd forgotten how nice it is to just be alone sometimes. I was really able to clear my head and collect some thoughts. I returned home rejuvenated and ready to face the rest of the day.
Bonus: My sweet hubby had arranged for us to go out that night, and had been busy helping me catch up on laundry and cleaning the house while I was gone. He looked so cute playing Donkey Kong as I walked in. He has been so intuitive these past weeks as we deal with big decisions and scrambling to stay caught up with life.
I didn't have much time before we left, and the kids were so excited for the sitter that they were on the countdown. Wes and I left the boys in good hands and took off for some much-needed time alone.
I guess I got off on a tangent there, but having the morning alone was so nice and so good for me. I forget sometimes how hard it can be to just think about things or even enjoy the peace and quiet when there are three little boys everywhere you go.
Everyone's been telling me to take some time out for myself, and I like to go out and be alone sometimes, but it had been so long since I've really done it that I guess I kinda forgot how important it really was. I understand now and I will be making more of an effort to steal away some time alone in the future.
I love my family with all my heart. I love being at home with my boys all day. I eat up every moment. But I am slowly learning now, again (I swear this same lesson is learned again and again), that part of being able to be a willing and capable mother is taking care of my needs too.....even if sometimes that means a little time alone.
The morning alone was good for me, and it gave me time to put away my worries and fears for awhile and just be. I honestly didn't even realize I was capable of that until it happened. But it was just enough to give me the time I needed to "put away" all the things out of my control right now and know that I've done all I can and right now it's time to put it into the hands of the medical people, natural and conventional, that I have selected and listen to the spirit guide me to what is right for my body....what it needs to begin to heal. To have faith that things will turn out right.
What a freeing feeling that is.