Tuesday, November 27, 2012

family struggles

I feel like all I've been able to document lately is the big things...the things I need to remember.  I want to such to write more....4 kids has been a HUGE jump from 3.  Wes and I were talking the other day and we decided that Peyton has only been a part of that challenge.  Since she's been born (and even a little but before), Wes has worked extra hours, Jonah's therapies and interventions have started (and along with that taken a big chink of what's left of family free time), and Micah has had his own struggles (to say the least) that have been extremely stressful for him and the rest of us.  I feel like the last 5 or 6 months that the vast majority of our lives has revolved around what's going on with the boys and what to do about it.  Micah's had a full schedule of out-of-home activities that have pretty much run my life.  To take him to Booster Club rather than sending him to school on the bus each day has been a huge challenge.  I have to wake the babies up early to pack everyone in the car (when the boys ride the bus, they just walk a few houses up the street to the bus stop).  Then, I have to race home or race through my errands dragging the poor babies with me.  That time between 9 and 12 is practically the only time all day I have to do anything productive from laundry to groceries to anything else.  Given the fact that I'm trying to do that with a very demanding 2-year-old and a nursing baby, it's not all that productive.  I try to take any opportunity to give the two "littles" attention and love. ;)  I race to school to pick Micah up and take him to preschool (he eats lunch in the car).  I get him there usually by 12:30, but the school starts earlier, so he's only there until 2:15, which leaves me a 10-minute drive away from home.  I usually race home to try to get Jonah down for at least a little nap that day, and feed Peyton, hopefully eat something myself, and try to figure out what's for dinner.  (Yes, I am VERY disorganized right now, which is not me at all and causes me a lot of undue stress.  I can't figure out how to pull it together because there's always some kind of change in the boys' schedule that makes it impossible to find any regularity or time to think things through.)  Then, I have to tear poor sleeping Jonah out of bed and take him back to school to pick up Micah.  We usually head home and about once a week someone is coming to our house to help with Jonah's interventions.  Wes has picked up extra work where he can, so he's either working 7 days a week, or 5 or 6 (the day/days off being weekend days, so I'm not going through the whole runaround).  Everyone's so burned out by then that nothing other than the bare minimum really happens those days (catching up on laundry, planning meals for the week, attempting naps, etc.), so Wes and I both begin the next week totally burned out.

Peyton seems to feel the stress a little and has taken to wanting to be held and carried around all the time.  I LOVE the way she slows life down for me for those little moments, but it is hard to focus on her sometimes when my mind is swimming with other things.

Do you feel stressed and negative reading this?  I do writing it!  I will say that we've done it all with lots of surrendering to what's going on and realizing that we need to both build a little support system here (we're still getting to know our neighbors since I got pregnant and sick right after we moved in), and roll with the punches realizing that sometime in the near future we will receive some definitive answers and be able to make some decisions and create a schedule/routine that works for everyone.  We try to seize the moments we have relaxing together and make them fun doing simple things.  I think we've done pretty well considering.  I have DoDots and M.O.M. to thank for that (more later).   

Until then, we are hanging in there and flying by the seat of our pants with grateful (most of the time) and hopeful hearts.  We know that this hard time will become a little easier (in certain ways) soon, and we are anxious to move forward and make the changes we need for everyone to be happy and comfortable.

I feel like one big positive that's stemmed from all of this is how much it's united us as a family, and Wes and I as a couple.  Everyone's had to be completely open, honest, helpful, tolerant, compassionate, and forgiving.  We've all had to rely on each other and list one another.  I feel grateful that we've been able to use this struggle as an opportunity for growth rather than making it a bigger struggle by not getting along.

Well, my next post should be much more fun to read.  I just wanted to document this stuff....sometimes it's okay to write about some of the "tough stuff".  It seems like you only remember the good things, but struggles are real, too.


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