pinching myself

Today I am full of hope.

This week has been so full of emotional ups and downs.  From all the busy things at the beginning, to the new developments at the end.

I did go see a new doctor on Wednesday, and he was fabulous!  Very competent, caring, and thorough.  He explained a lot of things in English, that I could understand.  He wanted to mainly treat me nutritionally, which I really liked.  (I am believer in the healing power of food.)

The clincher:  to follow his 6-month program was going to be $6,000.00 .  And our insurance wasn't going to cover any of it.  $6,000.00 plus labs and supplements.  The insurance may have covered a few of the labs.....the rest would be up to us.

Wes was all gung-ho about it.  I think he is so sick of me being sick, that he would do or pay anything of it meant having his wife back.  He was so excited about it, that I felt like I had to at least try, although I was just so sick to my stomach about all the money.  Not to mention, he told me that gluten and thyroid cells look almost identical in your body.  So once you have an autoimmune thyroid disease, you are gluten intolerant for life.  I really, really, didn't want to hear that.  And honestly, I don't believe it.  But Wes told me that I just needed to accept it and let it go - if that was the difference between being sick and being well, then I should just be gluten-free.  Easy for him to say from where he stands. 

Needless to say, I'd already been off gluten for one day, so I figured I'd do if for a month or so and see what happened and how I felt.

The doc also wanted me to go on an anti-inflammatory diet.  No gluten, no grains, no tomatoes, potatoes, or corn.  No eggs, beef, pork, shellfish, or canned meat.  No dairy or eggs, margarine or shortening (not that we ever use the margarine or shortening). No peanuts or peanut butter.  No sugar or other artificial sweeteners, no alcohol or caffeine.

What can I eat then?

Plenty of water.  Fresh fruits and vegetables, beans, peas.  Fresh fish, chicken, and turkey.  Good oils:  coconut, flax, and olive oil.  Seeds and nuts (except peanuts of course), and nut butters.

Sound hard?

I thought so, and I LOVE fruits and vegetables.  But I knew that if we were going to pay so much, I couldn't fail at this diet or anything else this doc told me to do.  I spent a good part of the day trying to figure out how to eat out (I have a baby shower tonight and a dinner with Wes' girl cousins and Oma tomorrow night), what I needed to buy and have on hand, what I could cook ahead in case I needed to just grab something and go.  And of course, how to get through my fear of the raw foods I so dearly love.

Then I received and email from this new friend.  She had just done her first Neuromodulation treatment, and was so excited about it.  The cost?  $300.00.  It might end up being a little more, but even if it ended up being $3000.00, it would still be less than half of the other doctor.  And this doctor though there was a chance he could completely reverse not only the autoimmune problems, but allergies and food intolerances also. 

Once I got this email, I just knew I had to try this first.

Wes and I had a big talk and decided to back out of the other thing and use it as a "Plan B".  I made an appointment for the next day (They had just had a cancellation - what timing.)  I went in on good faith and came out wondering if this was really going to work, but committed to the program anyway, knowing I had a Plan B if I needed it.  I tried to keep an open mind.

After I left, I didn't feel any different.  I even had some anxiety symptoms (heart palpitations, shortness of breath) when I initially got into bed.  But I knew I was having them because I was going to bed a little later than normal after doing quite a bit of laundry and ironing for that late at night (poor Wes didn't have any clean clothes to wear to work, so it had to be done).  I said a prayer that I would know whether or not this was helping, and also that it would be the thing that did help.  I wanted this to work SO BAD!

I woke up this morning to Jonah's noises at 2:24AM.  I had slept for three hours straight without having any trouble falling asleep.  I went back to sleep and woke up to Wes' alarm at 6:00.  I don't even remember the last time I was rested enough to hear that alarm, or Jonah's cries for a bottle shortly after.  I got up to get J's bottle, and to my surprise, my eyes opened right up!  They are still droopy, but I didn't have to push them open with my fingers.  Then I noticed my mouth wasn't nearly as dry as it had been lately upon waking (the doc thought my dry mouth was a fight-or-flight response, from panic attacks, rather than just sleeping with my mouth open.  It made sense to me at the time, and now I totally believe it.).  I got up and drank some water and felt like I had a different neck/throat.  The feeling of a huge lump that's been there for the past few years was completely gone and even breathing felt a little different.  I couldn't believe it and neither could Wes.  I had a hard time making myself go back to sleep this morning (Wes made me), but when I did finally get over the excitement enough to do it, I slept another three hours!  My sweet boys slept in pretty late this morning, and I was able to also since they weren't in my room waking me up for breakfast (I know it's sad, but that's the way it's been the past few months.  One day I will be my early-riser self again.).  In one night, I got the equivalent of three nights' sleep for me.  I am SO happy!

The edgy, keyed-up feeling I've had since all this started is almost gone.  I had a decent breakfast this morning since my best friend, Celest, sent me away to find a GF restaurant and get a few groceries while she watched our kids.  (I have felt so blessed and grateful to her for all the love and support she's given me throughout this whole ordeal.  She is a saint, and I hope one day, I can be there for her when she needs it.  I am so grateful that Heavenly Father knew I would need her.  She has been a big rock in my life from the minute we met and I love her dearly, like a sister.  She is such a good, sweet, fun person, and I will be forever grateful for her friendship and influence in my life.)

Right now, I feel tired.  It's like my body finally realized it can sleep soundly and now it's all it wants to do.  I am going to take a nap today when the boys go down, and try to get to bed early tonight.

I go see the doctor for my next Neuromodulation treatment on Monday.  I can't wait!  He also told me to go off gluten - for three weeks.  I'm on day 4 now.  Cross your fingers for me and wish me luck!  I have faith in rapid, effective, whole healing.